Me: I'll sleep early tonight and get a good 8 hours
Me: *watches entire season of tv show*
Me: *reads every book i own*
Me: *goes on quest to find the holy grail*
so my mom left me and my sister home alone for the month so
i had a dream last night that i was working at starbucks and steve rogers walked in and ordered an iced americano and i said “one iced americano for the iced americano" and then i woke myself up by laughing too hard at my own joke
when you accidentally befriend someone annoying and you can’t get out of the friendship
mom: what do u want 4 birthdy??
me: video gaem
mom: no vid game, child.
mom: 4 what
me: for video gm ae
mom: outsmarted agen
dehydrated hoe: you look like a dweeb caring around that water bottle all day lol
me: yeah bitch well you look like a crunch bar and I bet ya pee is yellow
Male Legislators who think Birth Control pills only serve as contraceptives and are unnecessary: